Why do I stay in the church? I have thought about this many times, but today the question was spurred from reading the article Enduring Well from this months Ensign. More specifically from this quote,
"Ye seek me, not because ye desire to keep my sayings, neither because ye saw the miracles, but because ye did eat of the loaves, and were filled." (John 6:26, footnote a, from Joseph Smith Translation)
So, why do I continue to seek God? Why do I do it here? What have I tasted? I have had, multiple times, experiences that should have driven me away. I continue to have these experiences. What keeps me here?
My Hubby has asked me more than once; even stated that he is surprised I'm still willingly around. In response to his questions I always reply, "Because I know."
What do I know? That the Gospel is true? That the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has the Priesthood Authority needed to perform ordinances that last? That "the church is true, but the people aren't"? (don't lie, you have all heard this one)
I always thought it was stupid for people to leave the church because someone offended them. I understand that over time it gets harder and harder. In truth, it's not so much the offensive act, as much as it is the supposed "man or woman of God" committing the offense. And when it becomes more frequent there seems to be no point in sticking around. Love, Truth and Kindness just don't seem to be present anymore.
So, what is it that keeps me around? What did I taste? You know, I don't remember. That's the problem with time, it gets harder and harder to recall things. I don't remember what I tasted, when, or why. What I do know is that it was something I tasted more than once; so it MUST have been good. What I'm tasting now is bland, sometimes bitter and often revolting.
Maybe it's just the HOPE of sweetness that keeps me here. Someday. someday.