It's been years since that first discussion with my Hubby. We've had many more since. There have been nights of tears and nights of laughter. Some harder than others, but all needed. Somehow these discussions were never my biggest struggle. The biggest struggle was the silence of the people around me.
Soon I had friends and family who distanced themselves from me because of our differences in belief. (political or religious) No more calls. No more play dates. No more getting together for any reason. Lots of excuses. (Yes, I know everyone has a life and responsibilities, but excuses don't hold up after YEARS) Lots of "un-friending." This one sounds a bit ridiculous to mention because everyone uses Facebook for different reasons; however, it's not my friend number going down that hurts. It's the family and friends that I've had close relationships with for more than 10 years that leave without ever stating that there was a conflict between us. Family gatherings where I'm neither seen nor heard. The gossip I hear about later.
All of these trimmed my adult interactions. All I had was my two little rascals to talk to. Someone can only stay sane for so long talking to toddlers. Soon the pulling out of hair begins. And one day my Hubby turned to me and said, "Call someone and go out. You need to go do something without the kids." And there was no one.
No best friend.
Not ONE person I could confide in.
No person I could talk to in real life that would understand me completely.
No one to go get a cupcake from Cravings with.
Until I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed friends. Girl friends. People who wanted to be around me because everyone, including me, needs friends. So, I went to my first C.A.L.M. meeting put on by the Utah Valley Postmormons. At this meeting I introduced myself and blubbered through a condensed version of my story. As I looked out at the circle of people staring back at me I realized, "these people don't know me, but they care and they want to know me." Finally, I was in contact with people. Real live people.
I met a bunch of people at this meeting and we get together often. There are lots of fun things for us all to do. Parties, Book Club, Family events, play group, and so much more. And I love it. I'm glad that I have people.
I just wish that lives didn't have to separate because of differences.