Thursday, January 22, 2009

Visiting Teaching. . .

Visiting Teaching astounds me. It's purpose I understand (emphasis added by me):

"One of the ways Relief Society sisters can feed His sheep is through visiting teaching. “The purposes of visiting teaching are to build caring relationships with each sister and to offer support, comfort, and friendship.” To accomplish those purposes, visiting teachers should:

1. Visit each assigned sister regularly (where feasible, in her home every month).

2. “Learn of the spiritual and temporal needs of the sister and her family.”

3. “Offer appropriate assistance.”

4. “Give spiritual instruction through a monthly message."
Silvia H. Allred, “Feed My Sheep,” Liahona, Nov 2007, 113–15

However, I can never seem to understand the actual actions that take place. We are told that we are supposed to "build caring relationships with each sister and to offer support, comfort, and friendship" correct? Then why does the "spiritual intruction," although listed last, seem to take first priority?

We are supposed to visit each other, become a loving part of each others life. Take care of each other. You cannot take care of each other without being their friend. It is absolutely not possible. I will be the first to declare that I do not tell my visiting teachers anything. They, although welcome in my home, aren't my friends. They don't know me nor do they want to. They come to teach me a lesson and get the check next to my name on the records that my VT is complete for the month. I noticed that this is how my own companion works as well.

Now what is the most effective way to break the cycle? I have been in my ward for 1.5 years, so not very long. I have gained friendships in a couple of unpredictable settings. But I haven't been able to make friends with those I visit teach; let alone my companion.

So, when I have a companion that is solely determined to teach a lesson without becoming friends with me or the people we teach how do we go about bringing sisters the support I am sure they need?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

It's just wasted time.

I can't shake the feeling that I am waisting my precious hours of the day. I don't want to clean my disgusting house. I don't want to plan my meals for the next week (although that would really help out). I wrestle with the need to exercise, and the lack of motivation.

All I want to do is relax in a warm bath with a good, make me feel intelligent, (anyone know any?) book. With some nice scent looming around me.


Oh, wouldn't it be nice?

I just cannot deny it

I was sitting in Sunday School today and we were reading from Joseph Smith-History. I coudn't help but feel an understanding and similarity to what Joseph felt when he said,

"I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation."

I'm really greatful that I know, and that I won't let that knowledge go.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

"I feel like I am being swallowed. . ."

The beginning, as wonderous and exciting as it is, is difficult. Especially when you live in the Mormon Culture.

I have feelings that are not freely spoken of.

I feel like I am being swallowed by the culture.

It's hard to define the difference between the gospel truths and cultural traditions.

I understand people who don't understand Mormons.

I understand their frustration and sometimes hatred.

I feel it too on occasion.

I am a lifetime member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I believe the gospel with all my heart. I know that what Christ taught was eternal truths, and that they can be implemented in life to accentuate it.

I read the scriptures when I feel like it. Not daily. Realistically, I have other things that I do first.

I hate attending my ward. There are good people there, but most of the time I want to pull my ears off when they say the things they do.

I do not trust the bishop. No one cares that he works at the church office building; he doesn't need to remind us every week. And just because his job includes helping to compile the C.E.S. manuals doesn't make him any kind of expert. (I don't need to be reminded of that either.)

I love the stake president. He is the first Priesthood leader I have had in over three years that will actually listen to me.

Negative feelings and emotions are definitely attached to the church for me. Although I don't leave. I don't REALLY want to. (even if once in a while, I do yell "I'm NEVER going back") Reminding myself constantly that the gospel is what is important gets harder and harder each day.

But I keep reminding myself.

The Beginning

There are many beginnings in this world and I hope to be creating a safe and understanding location that we, as mormon women, can all share our feelings about struggles that we have in our daily lives. The content to be unlimited here.

In my interactions, I have discovered that there are more women like me in the church. I want these women to be able to talk to each other. Give support to each other. And let each other know that there are others out there who really do understand.


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