Sunday, March 29, 2015

Discussion Fail: Temple Attendance

Since I have discussed a few successful discussions, maybe it's time I talked about a discussion fail.  I didn't know it failed until recently, but thinking back, it totally did.

LDS Church Teachings:

"I know your lives are busy.  I know that you have much to do.  But I make you a promise that if you will go to the house of the Lord, you will be blessed; life will be better for you."  
-Gordon B. Hinckley

"Always have the temple in your sights.  Do nothing which will keep you from entering its doors and partaking of sacred and eternal blessings there."
-Thomas S. Monson

Any work you do in the temple is time well spent, but receiving ordinances vicariously for one of your own ancestors will make the time in the temple more sacred, and even greater blessings will be received."
-Richard G. Scott

"Each holy temple stands as a symbol of our membership in the church, as a sign of our faith in the life after death, and as a sacred step toward eternal glory for us and our families."
-Russell M. Nelson

"Hundreds of thousands of faithful members participate in the unselfish service we call "temple work" which has no motive other than love and service for our fellowmen living and dead."
-Dallin H. Oaks

The Problem:

I wanted to make sure that my Hubby knew I was okay with him going.

Thoughts and Fears:

I hope he doesn't think he can't go to the temple.
If he wants to go, then he should go.
It will probably be hard to go alone.
I want him to go, but I want him to stay and spend time with the family, but I want him to go. . .  If he wants to.
How do I handle him wanting to spend time away from family time?
Will I really be okay with him going?
How often will he want to go?  It might be a lot.
I want him to spend time with the family, but I want him to go, but I want him to spend time with the family.

The Conversation:

This conversation was a bit different.  I brought it up.  I really wanted my Hubby to know that I respect his beliefs.  I wanted him to know he could take time to practice those beliefs.  I tried to verbalize that.  I tried to be compassionate.  I tried to be supportive.  I tried to be encouraging.  But I failed. . . miserably.  

Our little discussion was quick and (I thought) easy.  I told my Hubby all the supportive things I could.  Said it was all okay, but he just didn't buy it.  He questioned me with something like, "Are you sure?  You're not going to resent me for going and taking away from family time on the weekends?"  I assured him that it would all be okay.  I would not resent him.  I'm not sure that was completely true.  I wanted it to be true.  But I just don't think it was.

What Happened:

I since discovered that he always knew I would be resentful.  And he was probably right.  At the time, I was in my most angry stage about Church issues; where almost everything church-related set off my rage.  So, it's probably true that I would have been angry.   It would have also added extra stress on our marriage.   I just thought that we were too busy or he just didn't choose to go.  But, no matter how he decided, my Hubby never really attended the temple.  

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