Friday, March 13, 2009

Come Unto God

My Heavenly Father is (as has been taught to me):

-always there
-all powerful (that makes him sound like the all powerful OZ)
-Father of all mankind
-we pray to Him

As an adult my experience with Him has been less tangible than I remember as a child. I remember really feeling that he was around. Really there when I needed. Really going to answer my questions. I realize that I know Him less and less by the day.

We never really talk about Him. We do, however, talk about Jesus Christ our Lord plenty. Now, do not misunderstand me. I do not, by any means, want to discredit what Jesus has done for me and you, but I do want to distinguish between the two individuals. (They are 2 distinct beings each having a body of flesh and bone)

My relationship with the Christ has had 25 years to develop and I consider Him as my personal friend, but I feel as though my relationship with my Father has had significantly less tenderness shown to it.

What I know and feel about my Heavenly Father at the present time:

-I feel as though He is just watching and waiting
-I think that He trusts me
-I'm fairly angry
-He created some amazingly beautiful things in this world (I hope someday I will be able to see and experience them all)
-He blessed me with a loving husband who supports in ways that no one else could have

I know that God expects things out of all of us. In Lev. 11:44-45, He commands us to be "holy" because He is holy. How do I become holy when I do not know His holiness?

We all know that God's purpose is to "bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." (Moses 1:39) And our purpose is to "keep my commandment, yea, with all your might, mind and strength." (DC 11:20) Now this implies that we must know the commandments first to be able to keep them. So study of the gospel is imperative. Right, STUDY. Check.

So, if I know all the commandments then I'll know what God wants. And if I know what God wants then I will know Him. Correct? But where are His emotions? I can only recall His emotions being recorded at the death of Jesus Christ. "And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;" (Matt 27:51)

The Bible Dictionary says that "God can be known only by revelation. he must be revealed, or remain forever unknown." How come the more I study and know, the farther away I feel? I prayed a whole lot before, but answers are just not a luxury I acquire. I used to just figure that He trusted me to make decisions, and I just made them. So far, they have worked out well. It gets pretty lonely after many years of listening to others share their stories about all their prayers being answered daily. But how come He wont let me in?


Mer said...

As always, this is kinda unfocused, but you might want to give the gospel of John, Chapter 14 a read over, especially verses 6 - 11.

It sounds like Thomas -- THE APOSTLE -- was struggling with the same dilemma.

And later, in v 16-18, Christ reassures him that it's OK to feel like he doesn't know Heavenly Father yet, because as he continues to keep the commandments and search, Christ will continue to pray to the Father on our behalf so that the Holy Ghost can help us sort it all out. I think that verse 23 is especially comforting.

But the whole chapter does seem to set up a sort of blueprint -- Get to know Christ. Then, focus on getting to know the Holy Ghost, who will help you figure out all truth -- which includes getting to know Father better.

I'm not sure if that really adds anything to the search. I DO think that this is a more common issue than anyone is willing to admit. I have a dear Catholic friend who says that she feels like she knows GOD well, but is very uncomfortable talking about Jesus. And I know people in the LDS Church who can talk about Christ and God until the cos come home, but get really twitchy when you bring up the spirit. This is NOT an unusual problem.

Mer said...

I finally found it! Elder Holland spoke about this issue frequently a few years ago. This is the link to his article "The Grandeur of God."


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