Confession Friday!!

I drowsily confess:

• it's been a long day already
• and it's only noon
• the little one has had goopy eyes all week
• AND not sleeping through the night
• If only she had started out this way
• then I wouldn't feel so destroyed.
• Apparently kids get goopy eyes and sleep less when they are teething
• let me check. . .
  
• YUP,
• Definitely teething.
• I am cutting out chocolate for a month
• doesn't that mean I can replace my chocolate intake with everything else
• (like the beautimous Carrot Cake that my Hubby brought back from the office)
• it came from Harmons.
• OHHHH
  
• SOOO
• GOOD
• I still dream about exercise though
• Is that my subconscious telling me that I should stop beating on my body?
• I declared yesterday "Pajama Day"
• today just might be "Pajama Day #2"
• I use WIC
• I had an appointment today
• I HATE it when they talk to me like I'm an
  
• ill-educated,
• lazy
• mom
  
• who doesn't properly take care of my child
• My Sweet Pea is Very well taken care of, thank you very much.
• Just ask my Hubby.
• (He just might feel a little neglected since Sweet Pea arrived)
  

Anyone up for a Sun Dance Ceremony?

Is anyone else feeling the need to dance the sun back out? I'm wishing for spring and summer.

I'm afraid my summer vacation is going to arrive without the weather.

No More Chocolate!

It's day #1 of my NO CHOCOLATE month.


Let's start at the beginning. I'm not a chocolate person. I know that there are definitely people that want to bathe in it, but it isn't one of those foods that I crave or HAVE to have.



However, in my last two weeks of pregnancy I craved it for the first time EveR! And since then, I haven't been able to cut the habit. Since I am trying to lose the 60 pounds I gained during pregnancy I decided I should probably drop some of the dirty habits I have formed.

Eating chocolate is Dirty Habit #1.

It's said that you can create a new habit in 30 days, right? So, here I go. No more chocolate for the next 30 days. I will let you know how it goes.

Keep me accountable people.

Seeking and Receiving Personal Revelation

The Visiting Teaching message this month is a difficult subject for me.

Personal Revelation.

I know that people receive personal revelation. I also know that it is essential to our relationship with God. However, I don't feel like He likes to talk to me so much. I'm no work of perfection walking around or anything so He can't really be not telling me anything because I'm GOOD. I'm not particularly evil either. I have struggled with different things/people over the years, but nothing too terrible.

We're supposed to "prepare to receive personal revelation. . . by studying the scriptures, fasting, praying, and building faith."(Elder Robert D. Hales) So, I'm not very good at this right now, but I have had some pretty dedicated/faithful blocks in my life where I was doing all I could.

We're supposed "study it out in your mind; then . . . ask if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you: therefore, you shall feel that it is right."(D&C 9:8) I'm pretty good at the studying part. Not so good at the asking part (anymore). But I was at one point.

NOTHING.

I mean, I can count on one hand how many times I have felt prompted. In Twenty-six years, that's not many. Now I don't need to know exactly how many cans of beans I need to buy, but I would like enough communication to make me feel like He cares. Especially with big decisions, school, getting married, large decisions that my Hubby and I make together. None of these things do I get answers for. They are pretty big decisions. Some very life changing. Yet, NOTHING.

Then I've heard the "you have to learn how He speaks to you" speech from Sunday School teachers. Blah blah blah. How am I supposed to learn when he doesn't speak to me? Or when he does it's every few years. Like:

-The Salt Lake City airport leaving for my Mission.  "Don't Go"

-Driving on I-15 to help out family. (No good reason not to go) "Don't go. You'll just end up on the side of the freeway."

Definitely 5 years in between those two experiences. So when I think that it's just me being stupid, I ignore it. When the promptings are so in frequent, how is one supposed to think "this must be legit."?

I'm not very good with subliminal messages. You've just got to tell it to me straight.


How do you know what you're thinking is real?

What are your practices that keep you aware?

Confess, confess, ConFeSs

I do proudly confess:

• Although you may have cute kids, I have the MosT AdoRabLe Sweet Pea alive.
• I could spend all day kissing those cheeks
• I really do

• I ate chocolate chip cookies tonight while pumping
• Did I mention that I have the BeSt Hubby around?
• He does the night shift while I pump.
• This is so I'm not up for two hours.
• He's so wonderful

• I really need sleep right now but i just don't want to put my little one down
• I don't remember what a clean house looks like
• Secretly I hope your house is a disaster as well
• I guess that it's not a secret any more
• Maybe I could pack up the little one and run away.
• Then I couldn't see the eye sore I have in my home
• As much as I love the adorable baby stage,
• I truly wish I could have popped out a toddler
• they can at least tell me why they are screaming
• and can move themselves around
• I know I shouldn't wish for this but I do
• I guess God will give what I've got coming soon enough.

Pumping Through The Days

Pumping is CoNSuMinG my life!!

I get up and pump, wash the pump. Eat. Drink. Feed Sweet Pea, play with her, then put her back to sleep. Pump again, wash the pump and any other dishes. Eat. Drink. By the time I finish washing and eating she is up AGAIN. She is only sleeping for an hour. (sometimes more. I wish she would decide so I can fit laundry and cleaning in somewhere) It's all I do. Live, Breathe, Eat, Sleep Pumping........

I feel like I am not pumping enough in each session. Does anyone know how many ounces is "normal"?

The Itch

I've got it again.

It is lingering far too long.

It seems to be spreading.

I'm becoming red.

Antsy

Unable to contain myself.

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I NEED TO MOVE! I NEED A NEW PLACE. We have officially outgrown our apartment. AND there are no more things I can sell, throw out or donate. Anyone know of a place?

It's Going. . .

Got an electric Breast Pump.

So far it works well.

Way faster than a hand pump.

It seems to be going well.

I hope it keeps up.

I had to travel twice to Babies 'R Us because of the pump. The first one didn't have a manual in it. $300 and NO manual. What were they thinking. (until I realized that the manual might have been in the only pocket I didn't see OR check. Oops!)

Money Transformation

It's amazing how a saver can be magically transformed into a spender when you have a child. It's so fun to buy clothes, accessories, and toys for my Sweet Pea. Babies 'R Us loves me.

Was that Death???

Today is the day. I hope everyone has filed their taxes by now. And for those of you that are just remembering, I hope you can get everything together by tonight.

Good luck.

The Releasing of the MonSTeR!

I had a complete meltdown this morning at the 6 am feeding. Weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth accompanied my meltdown.

Let me start at the beginning:

I went to my last "post c-section" appointment with my Doc yesterday. I showed her my forever painful nipple problem I told you about. She was shocked. She said that I would need to put neosporin on it, use a shield or pump for the next 2 weeks. If it wasn't healed by the end of the 2 weeks then she needed to send me to the surgeon. She also added that every time someone went to the surgeon for something like this he always says to StOP Breastfeeding.

I know that I want to breastfeed. I HAVE to breastfeed. I can't afford anything else.

So, I do what I'm told. I go to the store and buy shields. (I already own a pump) I get home and the shields are a mess to use. They wont stay on. My little Sweet Pea about sucks them into her mouth whole. (powerful sucker she has) It's frustrating me and HER.

I can't do this. So, I pump. Try to. The pumping is just not working. Sometimes the milk comes out great; other times I'm completely full. (felt it come in) And nothing will come out with the pump or when I try to express it myself.

This was the case at 6 am this morning. Thus, the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. It was like anything in my way would evaporate just from my glares. It was a stay out of my way moment.

My poor Hubby. He took my Sweet Pea and put her back to sleep. (staying out of my way) Got back into bed after an hour and still wanted to cuddle me. It did feel a little bit better. (but just a little)

I MISS:

-going to the Temple (I'm not ready for a babysitter)

-running

-taking the sacrament (soon RSV season will have passed and I will go back)

-my pre-pregnancy jeans, shirts, gym clothes

-my pre-prego will power to not eat EVERYTHING in sight

- G-ma and G-pa. they are soo far away

-hiking (too cold for my Sweet Pea yet)

-swimming

-sunshine (No more SNOW!!!!)

-having no bills

-having no worries (I thought they were worries but what did I know in High School)

-knowing what will happen (School, Christmas break, School, Summer, Work, work, work, Repeat)

Cesarean Realization

Okay. So, I haven't been so great at the working out thing since I had my little Sweet Pea. (really since I became sick soon after I found out about the little muffing cooking inside me) However, I was feeling ambitious a couple of days ago and so I went to the Recreation Center to get on the treadmill.

I was thinking that I would get there, walk for a warm up, walk faster for my workout with little spurts of jogging (1 min. intervals). Oh, was I surprised. I walked for my warm up and then started to increase the speed of the treadmill. I couldn't raise it past 3.0 at any point during the workout. I walked for 20 minutes.

I got off the treadmill and wanted, even though I had FINALLY got to the gym, to cry. I have NEVER in my entire life workout out at that low of a speed. I never ever warmed up that low. I used to start at 3.5 or 4 for a light jog warm up. Even at my fattest, most out of shape time. Never.

This C-section thing really took it's toll on my body. I had no idea. I had been feeling really good. Really wanting to get out and begin my runs again. Dreaming about Running. I now understand the true meaning of "lack of motivation." It's not just the activity, length, or no-one to work out with. It's the feeling of humiliation. The feeling your body gives you of can't. Or even won't. It's hard.

I must not let these feelings, no matter how real, over run the motivation that got me out of the house this week. I NEED to keep going. I will.

J-Dawgs

If you haven't ventured down to "Happy Valley" to try these amazing dogs you have been missing out. They have a very simple menu: regular dog or polish dog. Then choose your condiments: jalapenos, onions, special sauce (a must), pickles, banana peppers, or sauerkraut.

I love the polish dawg with onions, special sauce, and banana peppers. So good. This was our lunch choice between conference sessions this Saturday.

J-Dawgs is located at 880 North 700 East in Provo, Utah. You HAVE to try these.

Late Night Thinking

You'd think that I would be losing more weight because of all the walking I do to put my Sweet Pea to sleep.  So really I'm lifting weights and walking at the same time. 

Maybe my not losing weight has something to do with my 3 bowls of ice-cream I had last night.

(I can't resist the BYU Really Raspberry and my Moms homemade caramel and hot fudge sauces.  AND it's tradition.  You HAVE to eat Ice-cream after Priesthood Meeting.)

Confession Friday

I do solemnly whisper:

• I just found the setting in my blog that makes it so I can do COLORS
• change my font
• change size easier
• do cool things with my pics
• and I'm completely Stoked!
• Let me just tell you how excited I am that my 2 month old has 2 teeth that are showing their pearly whiteness
• still nursing
• still have HUGE sores on the breasteses
• and am terrified that her teeth will catch and tear the nipple off
• I love my book   (Eat, Pray, Love)
• I wish I could read all day long
• my next book:  Blind side or Wicked? or Invictus?
  
• I have a hard time remembering to eat.
• I know that it sounds stupid
• But I do
• I might get to watch Rugby tonight

• I get to play games tonight
• I have laundry and dishes still
• not doing them right now
• I should be
• I want Spring SOOOO bad
• It was a cruel April Fool's joke to get snow in April
• RUDE!!
• I dream about running.
• All the time
• It's all I want to do
• I don't like my Hubby's Calling
• I LOve cooking
• I Hate to try and figure out what I'm going to make
• I love Baking
• If I could live off of cake, cookies and pies I would
• Although I Love Salads.
• I could be a Rabbit
• I guess you could say that I love ruffage
• hehehehehehe

Coveting. . . It's not that bad is it?

"Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbour's."

So does that mean that I'm sinning when I stand over my dish engulfed sink longing for the dishwasher that exists in the newly remodeled apartment next door?



It is the last of the 10 commandments, it could be easily overlooked, right? No? Damn it.


You know what's sad about the many dishes in my sink? (besides no dishwasher)
My cupboards are still packed full.


Apartment Life. It feels as though I will never get out of it.

(I guess I don't need a house, just a place to put all my stuff.)